Como conduzir conversas difíceis e… construtivas

Lidar com seres humanos não é fácil. E é ainda mais complicado quando esse contato envolve manter conversas difíceis: reportar um erro, transmitir um feedback, abordar um assunto delicado. Esse é o tipo de tarefa que poucos sabem como desempenhar ou escolhem realizar. Conduzir uma conversa difícil sem desembocar no drama ou em uma guerra particular é uma arte. E, como em todo trabalho artístico, há técnicas que podem ser implementadas para facilitar sua execução.

1.  Deixe suas próprias emoções do lado de fora

Jamais inicie uma conversa carregando na importância de como você se sente. Conversas difíceis não são – ou pelo menos não deveriam ser – cem por cento sobre você. O foco é o outro. Até porque, se a questão envolvesse apenas você, o diálogo seria dispensável. Faça uma retrospectiva das conversas que desejaria não ter tido, e você perceberá que grande parte delas envolveram misturar a mensagem com emoções. Seja porque você se irritou e acabou errando na dose de agressividade, seja porque você se aborreceu, exagerou no drama e na vitimização e acabou dizendo coisas das quais você se arrepende até hoje.

Essas situações acontecem quando há erro de foco. Ao conversar com o outro é preciso dar um passo para fora do próprio espaço emocional. Exercite a empatia. Coloque-se no lugar do outro. Procure posicionar-se de modo a servir, e não a ser servido. Humildade e generosidade ajudam. Seja humilde porque no fundo ninguém sabe o bastante para conhecer todos os lados de uma história. Aceite que o simples fato de se sentir desconfortável em iniciar a conversa já denota o estado de não-saber. Vá com calma, ceda espaço para que seu interlocutor seja capaz de se expressar. Seja generoso, porque levar o outro a nocaute não é construtivo em nenhum tipo de relação (a menos, é claro, que você seja lutador de boxe ou MMA). Dificilmente conversas mesquinhas e egoístas conduzem a resultados produtivos e sustentáveis no tempo.

2. Comece sabendo como você quer terminar

Como você quer que seu interlocutor se sinta ao final da conversa? Como você quer se sentir quando a conversa terminar? O que você gostaria que o outro pensasse, acreditasse e fizesse como resultado dessa conversa? E você? O que você quer pensar, acreditar e fazer? Sempre comece com essas respostas em mente.

Não raro, quando sabemos que uma mensagem precisa ser comunicada, nos sentimos ansiosos e, no afã de nos livrar-mos do peso, a transmitimos sem saber ao certo onde estamos e onde queremos chegar. Sem clareza sobre o destino, podemos acabar parando em qualquer lugar. Conexões não são estabelecidas, as pessoas ficam confusas, o diálogo não flui ou então inicia-se um desentendimento que sequer estava no script.

Não exija precisão de si mesmo, até porque o exercício da humildade nos ensina que o objetivo de uma boa conversa é construir algo junto. Mas crie um mapa mental que conduza ao seu real propósito.

3. Use o padrão A, B, C 

A” -> Comunique a descrição fática do que aconteceu: “Eu vi que você fez isso”, “Eu ouvi aquilo” ou “Alguém me disse que tal coisa aconteceu”.

B” -> Descreva ao outro o impacto que esse fato gerou em você: “Você fez A e eu me senti desrespeitado” ou “Você não entregou o que eu pedi e fiquei com a impressão de que você não honrou o que havíamos combinado”. É possível mencionar como você se sentiu, mas sem a carga emotiva.

C” -> Demande a posição do outro de forma interrogativa: “Podemos conversar sobre esse assunto?”, “Você pode me explicar o que aconteceu?”, “Você tem algo a dizer a esse respeito?” ou ainda “Eu ouvi isso e gostaria de compartilhar minhas impressões com você, ok?”.

Essa fórmula tem por finalidade proteger a conversa de armadilhas acusatórias ou ditatoriais. Ninguém gosta de participar de uma conversa que se inicia com conclusões.

Pedir licença antes de entrar no espaço do outro, mais do que sinal de respeito e educação, sinaliza que a outra parte terá espaço para expor seu ponto de vista.

4. Seja mais paciente que o habitual

Ao abordar um tema delicado, abra mão da pressa. É importante ir devagar, conceder oportunidade para que o outro se posicione e tenha paz mental para raciocinar. A ânsia de resolver a questão não só atrapalha como pode comprometer o desfecho. Resista à tentação de resolver a questão no seu tempo. Lembre-se, a conversa é também do outro e o tempo dele há de ser respeitado. Você já sabe o conteúdo sobre o qual pretende conversar, o outro não. É preciso ter paciência para que ele processe a informação e retome o controle emocional para que a conversa possa se desenrolar.

Este último ponto pode parecer banal, mas ao negligenciá-lo você estará se arriscando a pôr tudo a perder. Não basta deixar suas emoções do lado de fora, ter clareza a respeito sobre aonde você quer chegar e pedir licença antes de adentrar no território alheio se no final você irá apressar o outro a chegar a uma conclusão, como um rolo compressor.

* * *

Conduzir uma conversa difícil com maestria não significa que tudo ficará bem ao final, mas que um diálogo foi aberto para que se alcance a melhor solução possível dentro daquele cenário.

Conversas difíceis são… difíceis! Mas, se você conseguir manter esses quatro pontos em mente, performará muito melhor da próxima vez. Mantenha a intenção de fazer ao outro o mesmo bem que gostaria que alguém fizesse por você. Ofereça o cuidado que ficaria feliz em receber e você se aproximará do resultado ganha-ganha – e ainda corre o risco de obter a admiração e o respeito dessa pessoa.

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